Monday 1/14/2019
Donald Trump’s answer, in the past, to many news reporters questioning him on something he did not wish to answer was a bewildering, multi-faceted, actor’s face and then, in a quick barking tone, he would yell at them: “Fake news, fake news, that’s fake news.”
Well, guess what, pretty soon it’s going to be, strictly: “Fake Internet, fake internet.” Don’t believe me, just watch:
Conversation, coming from the office of the POTUS:
“You have how many likes on Twitter”
“Mr. President, we have over six trillion likes on Twitter?”
“What. Did you say six trillion? With a T?
“Six trillion yessir, I said six trillion? With a T? On Twitter.? On your account, sir.” The computer technician, a low-level subordinate to the undersecretary of Homeland Security’s undersecretary to computer studies and making points with Donald Trump Jr.s secretary to the undersecretary’s points-plus computer programming bonus-points program, the only program that led to a meeting with the Donald Himself, in person, replied to the Donald, now: “Ah, yessir, you see, sir, it’s actually robotically controlled.”
The Donald, the POTUS Himself, smiled hugely, as only he could do. “Do tell six trillion, with a Tee, I like that, I like that. And, it’s on my account, my personal account? Like I ordered you people to do months ago?”
“Ah, yessir, you see the bots automatically now multiply every actual like: by 10,000, so you can see that that makes it …”
“Oh yes, I can see that, how big, how huge, absolutely HUGE that will make it. well! Well-well. I like it, I really like it. So, we had Eight trillion? And, it’s fool-proof, no one can catch us. I mean, you can’t break the codes, you can’t …”
“That’s correct sir, we’ve been working on it ever since your order, ah, two months ago now sir?”
“My order?”
“Ah, yessir, you remember when Disneyland’s Donald Duck got more likes than you did sir, ah-er when he ah-er, ran for president and …”
“Okay, alright, I remember THAT and it’s foolproof you say, nobody can break the codes correct?”
“Ah, yessir, that’s correct, that’s guaranteed, out best computer scientists all agree that you can in no way be implicated in any collusion in …”
“COLLUSION! That word cannot be used anymore… I gave a presidential HUGE ORDER to …”
“Ah, Mr. President, Mr. President,” Trump’s press secretary, Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, said, sticking her head inside his office, the press are waiting, sir, they are getting very antsy and …”
Donald Trump jumped up from his desk and literally ran for the entranceway to the briefing room, than barged inside. Questions were immediately flying in his direction but he held his hands up and smiled wickedly: “Hold it please, hold off here: I have an announcement, this is a historic announcement and it must be heard; you may not believe it, as I didn’t at first but then … realizing how great, how absolutely GREAT I AM and how great everyone around me is, just by being close enough to touch me, if I let them, you understand, and understanding that so many others can see and believe, BELIEVE, I speak only the GREAT truth and that is just this: Ladies and gentlemen of the press and all viewers out there watching this historic broadcast I wish to announce that today at, at uh-um, (looks at watch) approximately 1:30m PM we, ah-er, I, I, Donald J. Trump, the President of the United States, got six, ah-er-um, (looks at paper) six, that’s six trillion, that’s trillion with a T, a capital T likes on my Twitter account, yeah, you can check it as I’m sure all you FAKE NEWS journalists will, I got six trillion lemme see, ah, here, six trillion, six-hundred and sixty-six billion, six-hundred and sixty-six million, six-hundred and sixty-six thousand, six-hundred and sixty-six HUGE likes on my Twitter account, yeah my own personal account … oh, this is HUGE, this is HUGE … I have six-hundred and sixty-six trillion, six hundred and sixty six billion, six-hundred and sixty-six million, six-hundred and sixty-six thousand, six-hundred and sixty-six …
“Mr President … Mr. President …”
The reporters continued yelling questions towards Donald J. Trump but he ignored them, even when they yelled that it was “fake numbers,” and even when one reporter yelled out the algorithm that his computer mathematicians had used. He couldn’t stop his mouth from running over with the numbers, he was fascinated with the numbers and couldn’t stop saying them … over and over … even as flashbulbs that would record the beginning of the downfall of his presidency, combined with his being found guilty the previous month for colluding with the Russians to rig the election in his favor, he couldn’t stop shouting the numbers; numbers he knew, he just knew, as only someone as great as he was could have on his Twitter account.
The reporters were in a frenzy now, even as Trump paid them little mind, using one of his well-worn-out diversion tirades: “Look at the numbers,” he screamed: “only someone as GREAT as I AM could have these numbers … only someone as …”
Keith's Corner 